Disappear
by MissLovelyRaye
Summary: Callie is hurting when Arizona is gone. It's like Callie herself is gone, too.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: this just kinda came to mind one day while I was trying to work on my other story, Adventures with My PED's Surgeon. I didn't want to put this in that story, so I decided to make it its own. So, let me know what you think. **

**Raye **

* * *

It had been a month.

A month since I heard the news.

A month since my world shattered into 10 million pieces.

A month since I last laughed or smiled.

A month since I last left the apartment, let alone gotten out of bed.

A month since my heart was ripped out of my chest and thrown into the middle of the sea, never to be found again.

For a month I have been living in the darkness.

For a month I haven't seen blonde curls, heelys, bright blue eyes, a super magic smile, or heard the words "yay, awesome, super".

One month ago today, Arizona Robbins, the love of my life, was killed.

I hate thinking about it. I try my best not to. But I can't find myself to think about much else.

Arizona was my world. She was my strength. I needed her to stay alive. That makes me wonder how I am still alive today.

I hear my bedroom door creak open. I look up and see Mark staring at me. He has worry written all over his face.

I look back down at the ground, and Mark takes a seat next to me on the bed, careful not to touch anything near Arizona's side of the bed.

"Hey, Cal. How are you doing today?" he asks me, placing a hand on my knee.

"Same as always," I mumble.

He sighs deeply. He stands up and walks over to my dresser and pulls out some clean clothes. He puts them in the bathroom, and then picks me up off the bed and carries me to the bathroom. He undresses me an starts the water for a shower. He sets me in the tub, the water falling over me like a waterfall. He sits on the ledge behind me and shampoo and conditions my hair.

When my hair is clean, he massages my body with Arizona's favorite scent of body wash, and then he shaves my under arms and legs.

When I am fully clean, he turns the water off and sets me down on the bathroom floor, wrapping a towel around me. I run my fingers along the tiles of the bathroom floor, remembering the time me and Arizona had made love there. I start to cry and Mark quickly has his arms around me, telling me everything will be ok.

But it won't be ok. Nothing will ever be ok. Arizona is gone. Nobody can do anything about it.

Mark dresses me and combs my hair, braiding it into two soft pig tails, a skill he learned from his daughter, Abby.

Mark and Lexie had gotten married. They have a five year old daughter named Abigail Claire Sloan. She has dark hair like Lexie had, and the kind eyes of Mark. She was beautiful in every way possible. She was everything I would want my daughter to be like.

Mark walked me to the kitchen and made me sit at the island. He made me lunch, and then fed it to me. After I was done, he sat in the chair next to me.

"Callie, we need to talk," Mark said.

"What is left to talk about?" I asked quietly.

He took my hand in his and held it tightly.

"Callie, I'm worried about you. We all are. We are afraid that you are going to try to kill yourself, and none of us would be able to handle that. Please, take care of yourself," Mark said.

The thought of killing myself made my stomach turn. Never would I ever even think about doing that. Even if it did mean being with Arizona again. I will wait for my time to come.

"I would never kill myself, Mark. You know that," I said.

"I know that. I just need to hear you say that. I couldn't handle losing you; you are my best friend, Callie. But you need to stop treating yourself like this. Arizona would want you to be happy," Mark explained to me.

I looked up at him.

"Don't you dare bring Arizona into this. It's not her fault! Nothing is ever her fault! What happened to her a month ago today was not her fault! It was some sick bastard! A bastard that if I ever meet will be dead in seconds. You can't blame Arizona!" I yelled at him, my emotions going wild inside of me.

"Callie, I never said it was her fault," Mark said to me softly.

"Nothing is her fault!" I repeated, tears welling up in my eyes.

"Do you want to talk...about what happened?" Mark asked carefully.

I ripped my hand away from him and stood up, knocking the stool I had been sitting on over.

"No! I don't want to talk about it! Don't you dare make me talk about it! Get out! Right now!" I yelled, pointing at the door.

Mark stood up slowly, looking defeated.

"I'll...umm...see you tomorrow then, Cal. Try not to give Christina a hard time tonight. We are just trying to help," Mark said, and then he kissed my cheek and walked out the door.

I slammed the door behind him and then sunk down to the floor right in front of it. I buried my face in my hands.

It wasn't her fault.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: hey y'all! Thanks for the reviews on the first chapter! :) There might be one more soon, but after that, there will probably only be updates on the weekends, because sadly, i start school on Monday :( high school...scary loool.**

**Anyway...this chap goes out to Ira who reminded me I had this fic...lmao. I shouldn't have to say that, but it's true. So, yay for Ira!**

**If y'all dont know Ira you should go to the website calzonafans . aimoo . com thay without the spaces. lol. there are lotz of us calzona fans! or. just go to my profile on here and there is a link to the website :)**

**Raye :)**

* * *

All day I sat in front of the door.

I sat there not thinking, not blinking, not moving one bit. I don't even remember breathing.

Arizona's murder had hit me hard, obviously. So hard that the days were a blur. Two weeks could pass by and I wouldn't even notice.

To me, Arizona was killed yesterday.

To everyone else, it had been a month.

No, the days didn't go by fast. They went by slow. Unbearably slow.

I've just been so lost, so unaware if things, that the days go by without me noticing.

I'm living one long day.

I didn't even feel the door trying to be opened, or hear the continuous knocking of my roommate Christina.

"Callie!"

I didn't move. I couldn't move.

Mark had drained me. I felt so weak after yelling at him.

"Callie!"

I finally heard her, but I still couldn't move.

I tried to move, believe me. I tried. I just couldn't make my brain tell my limbs to get up and move.

"Mark! She is blocking the door and I don't know if she is asleep or just not moving, but I cannot get the door open!"

"She's not asleep. She doesn't sleep."

"Well then help me!"

"What do you want me to do about it?"

"Talk to her. Get her to move."

"Callie, sweetie. It's Mark. I need you to move away from the door so Christina can get in and help you."

I heard him. I wanted to move. But I couldn't.

"Alright, this isn't working. Help me push the door, man whore."

I heard their hands slap up against the door, and all of a sudden I felt myself moving.

"We're doing it! Come on keep pushing!"

Every 10 seconds or so, I would feel the door push up against my back, and I would slide a little over the wooden floor.

After a while, the door was fully open, and Mark was kneeling in front of me.

He pushed my chin up with two fingers and made me look him in the eyes.

"Have you been sitting there since I left?" he asked me.

I just stared at him, my head tilted to the side.

He sighed and closed his eyes.

"Alright. I have to go to work 20 minutes ago. So, I'll see you tomorrow, Cal. Be good for Christina," Mark said.

He kissed me on the forehead and then stood up.

Suddenly, my arms felt strong. Stronger than they have in a long time, and before I knew it, they were wrapped around one of Mark's legs, forbidding him to move.

"Callie, I have to go to work. You understand, right?" Mark asked, looking down at me.

My arms tightened around his leg.

He placed a hand on my head.

"Callie," he said, and I could tell he was getting frustrated.

"Don't leave me," I whispered.

"Aww, Callie. I promise I won't be gone for long. I'll be back before you know it," Mark assured me.

I nodded slowly and released his leg.

He quickly left, just to make sure I wouldn't capture him again.

I looked at Christina now. She looked away awkwardly as our eyes met.

"Are you hungry for dinner?" she asked, breaking the silence.

"Not really," I mumbled.

"Well, ummm, Mark told me I have to make you eat, anyway. So, ummm, how about I order a pizza?" Christina asked.

"No!" I yelled.

Christina made me dinner practically every night, unless she was busy with work and then Lexie or Meredith or Derek would come over.

But she has always made me something. She had never asked to order a pizza.

She was taken aback at my sudden outburst.

"I'm sorry, I just had a long day at work," Christina defended herself.

"That was ours," I said, talking about the pizza.

She didn't need me to explain who I meant when I said 'ours'.

"Oh! I'm sorry. How about...spaghetti?"

I nodded.

"Alright. Come sit at the counter. You can watch," Christina said.

When I didn't move, she walked over to me and pulled me off the floor, putting an arm under my shoulders, leading me to the counter.

She sat me down at the counter and began making dinner.

After dinner, and after Christina had gotten me ready for bed, Christina laid me down and tucked me in.

"Goodnight, Callie. Umm, sweet dreams?"

"That's gonna happen," I said sarcastically.

Christina's pager went off and she took it out and looked at it.

"Oh, I have to go. Take care, Torres," she said, and then she was gone.

This was the first time I had been alone at night. Someone had always been in the apartment with me at night.

I felt so alone.

I turned on my side, and placed my hand on the edge of Arizona's pillow.

I breathed in deeply, still having the scent of her strawberry shampoo strong on the fabric.

I smiled slightly, the first thing near to a smile ever since she died.

Maybe I was getting better.

Now that I was alone, I felt like I could talk to her, without anyone thinking I was crazy.

This wasn't a Denny Duquette situation. I couldn't see her. But you can talk to anyone, can't you? Even if you can't see them?

"Hi baby. I miss you. I love you. I think Mark is doing all he can for me, trying his best. And Abby. Have you seen her lately? She's growing. And Christina. I think she is trying to change for me. And it's scary! I mean "sweet dreams"? Where did that come from?"

In the distance, I could hear music. My music. Music to my ears.

In the distance, I could hear her cheerful laughing.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: *cough* team hardcore *cough* **

* * *

**Marks POV**

I was ready to leave for work, when I decided to go check up on Callie.

Christina was usually there with her for a couple of minutes in the morning, but she had been called into the hospital for an emergency heart transplant.

I walked across the hall an unlocked Callie's apartment door with the key Christina had given me.

"Callie?" I called as I closed the door softly behind me.

The apartment was still, and I started to think that something was wrong.

I walked quickly to Callie's room and opened the door carefully, nervous about what I might find.

I opened the door all the way, and saw Callie laying flat on her stomach, eyes closed.

I ran to her, thinking that she had died. But I soon heard her soft breathing.

I smiled to myself.

I honestly think this is the first time she had gotten any sleep since Arizona died. The greatest part was that she looked peaceful. She almost looked happy.

I looked at my watch and realized I needed to get going.

I glanced around the room, and found a pen and notepad.

I scribbled a quick note, then left quietly, not wanting to wake Callie from her precious sleep.

...

**Callie's POV**

I woke up, still exhausted, but it was way to hot in here to sleep.

I noticed that the sun was shining brightly through the edges of the curtain.

I looked around the room, wondering what time it was.

I never slept. I hadn't slept since Arizona died. I had forgotten how amazing it felt to sleep after a long hard day. And yesterday was a long hard day, in my opinion. Except last night, when I heard her laughing...everything got just a little better in the world.

I rubbed my eyes, and then picked up my phone from the bedside table.

It felt odd to have the object in my hand. I hadn't held it in at least a month.

I had 149 missed calls, 123 voicemails, and 436 texts.

I sighed and ignored them all for the time being. I would check them later, I guess.

I looked at the time and it said 11:56. Mark should be here for lunch soon, if he didn't get held up at the hospital.

I looked in the mirror, another thing I hadn't done in a month. I noticed my hair was very long, close to my waist. The pigtails Mark had put in yesterday were messy and hair was falling out at various spots.

I had also gotten thinner. My clothes don't hug my body the way they use to. The way that Arizona loved. My weight loss, though, did really make a difference in the appearance of my height. My curves had always made me look shorter than I was, but in truth, I was actually very tall.

I have to say that I missed my curves. Sure, I still had them, but I missed the way they used to look. They had been a part of my life. I was going to have to do something about getting them back.

I stood in front of the mirror for a while, just looking at myself.

There were huge bags under my eyes, and I wasn't as tan as I used to be.

I sighed, and then decided to make Mark's afternoon a little easier for him.

I went to the bathroom and hopped in the shower.

The hot shower felt good, but I had to get out quickly for it was still very hot in the apartment.

I got out, got dressed, and threw my hair into a low side pony.

Just doing all of that by myself made me feel good. Made me feel like nothing had ever gone wrong, that Arizona had never died.

As I walked back into my bedroom, I noticed a piece of paper and the dresser.

I picked it up and read.

_**Callie sweets, **_

_**Came in to check up on ya and say good morning and saw that you were fast asleep. I didn't want to wake you...you looked so peaceful. Sleep is a good thing, you should do it more often, babe. **_

_**Just wanted to let you know that I might be a little late for lunch. I have a surgery at 10 that is supposed to take at least 2 hours if nothing goes wrong. But I'll be there sometime, I promise! **_

_**Love you, Cal **_

_**Mark**_

I put the note down and checked the time again. 12:25.

I took my phone out to the living room with me and sat on the couch, noticing how clean it was in there.

I began going through my text messages, reading each one carefully, and sending a reply to some. Most were from my friends and family.

I started listening to my voice mails. Again, most were from friends and family, checking up on me.

I got through most of them, but decided to check the rest later whenever I heard a key unlocking my door.

I saw Mark walk in. He didn't see me at first; he was closing the door quietly.

When he did see me, a huge smile appeared on his face.

"Hey, Mark," I said.

"Callie! You're up and you're...showered!" he said excitedly.

"And I have an appetite," I said.

"Really? Callie...that's amazing!"

He walked over to the kitchen, and I followed him, sitting at one of the stools.

"Can you make mini corn dogs? And a salad and some strawberry applesauce?" I asked, showing pretty much no emotion on my face.

"Of course, sweets!" Mark said, a bright smile on his face.

He kissed the top of my head and then went to work.

"Remember how to use it?" Mark asked as he was getting out stuff.

"This?" I asked, holding out my phone.

He nodded.

"Can you take me to get my hair cut? I just want maybe two inches off," I said, changing the subject.

"Absolutely. We will go after lunch."

**Mark's POV**

She had changed.

It was a good change.

Some of her color was coming back and her eyes were starting to sparkle again. And she had an appetite.

I had to force her to eat usually, but now she was doing it by herself.

When it was time to go out to get Callie's hair cut, she was a little hesitant. I grabbed her hand reassuringly, and we walked to the hair place.

...

I decided that if the hospital needed me, they would page. I wanted to spend this day with Callie. She wasn't back to normal, wasn't nearly back to normal, but she was getting there and that was amazing.

Christina was home now for dinner and I decided to order Chinese for us all.

I was talking with Christina at the kitchen island, while Callie was finishing up listening to her voicemails.

The day had been amazing from my point of view.

Callie was getting better.

Christina and I were talking about work when we heard Callie scream.

"No!" she yelled.

She threw her phone against the wall and it shattered into many pieces.

I could tell Callie's heart had done the same.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: sorry it took so long! I've had my freshman year of high school getting in my way, and other issues that have prevented me from updating. But, here I am! I don't know how I feel about this update...but whatever. Lol. It's kinda short, but it was the best I could do for now.**

**I'd like to give it up to my girl Brenna. Thanks sooo much for helping me through everything. I love you, Elmo!**

* * *

**Mark's POV**

"Callie? What happened?" I asked as I ran to Callie's side.

She was shaking violently. Tears were pouring from her eyes, and she was screaming.

I looked over at Christina and she looked scared, almost as if she was watching Callie kill herself.

Her eyes flicked over to me and so much emotion showed.

When Christina Yang was showing emotion, you knew something was terribly wrong.

I turned back to Callie. Her face had grown unbelievably white.

"Christina, come here and help me!" I ordered.

I wrapped my arms around Callie tightly, trying to slow her heart rate. Christina did the same on the other side of Callie.

A few seconds later, Lexie burst through the door with Abby slung on her hip.

"I heard screaming, is everyone ok?" Lexie asked worriedly.

She saw us on the couch and just about dropped Abby.

"What happened to Callie, momma?" Abby asked.

Lexie ran her hand over Abby's head, kissed her forehead, and set her on the floor.

Lexie came over and knelt in front of Callie. She took Callie's hands in her own and ducked her head to be face to face with Callie.

"Hey, baby girl. It's Lexie. How are you doing?" Lexie asked Callie in the softest voice.

I could hear Callie try to talk, but only sounds came out. No words.

Lexie stood up and bent to me.

"I think we should take her to the hospital just to make sure she is ok," she whispered in my ear.

I nodded.

"Chris, go get some things for Callie. I think we are going to keep her at the hospital over night," I said.

I took Callie in my arms and took her out to the car.

...

**Callie's POV**

"Mark?" I asked.

"Yes, dear?" he answered, looking happy I was making words.

"Is she ok?" I asked.

Mark looked confused for a while, but then he finally understood.

"She is wonderful. She looks as hot as ever, but I know you won't let me put a hand on her. She loves you, Cal," Mark said.

I knew he didn't really know that about Arizona, but it was nice to have someone tell me that anyway.

"Ok, you don't have to answer this, but what was the phone call about? The one that made you so upset?" Mark asked.

I sighed, knowing I would have to tell someone sooner or later.

"It was the police. It was a message from the day...it...happened. Remember I didn't have my phone that day? I heard from Bailey, remember? Arizona was in the hospital...nearly dead. That message was the police, telling me they found her and that they were having the ambulance take her here," I said.

"Oh, Callie," Mark said, quickly taking my hand.

"I'm not gonna cry anymore, Mark. I'm all cried out. Plus, I'm a grown woman, and I'm strong," I said.

"I know Callie. But sometimes, even strong people cry," Mark said.

"She was strong."

"Yes, she was. She cried sometimes, didn't she?"

"Yes, she cried when she needed too. And I was always there to hold her. Why isn't she here, holding me?"

"Just close your eyes. She will be there, holding you. Rocking you gently. Stroking your hair. Covering you with kisses. All you have to do, is close your eyes."

I did just that.

I closed my eyes, and there she was.

...

I woke up to the door opening, and I saw a flash of red hair.

"Well, hello there sleepy head!"

"Addison!" I cried, opening my arms for her.

She fell into them gently, pulling me up slightly as she did.

"How are you, love?" she asked as she pulled away.

"I'm hanging in there," I said.

She smiled at me, it was a sad smile.

"Well, let's get with the business!" she said, turning around the subject.

I smiled, knowing exactly why she was here.

"Alright, Callie. Ready to see your baby?"


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: update numero cinco! :D sorry it took so long, once again. I guess it is kinda short...when you're writing it, it seems soooo much longer...goodness. **

* * *

_"Hey! How was your day?" Arizona asked._

_She was sitting at the counter looking over some papers when I came through the door._

_I set my stuff down, hugged and kissed her, then sat down in a chair next to her._

_"Oh, the usual." I answered._

_"No interesting cases?"_

_"Slow day."_

_It was silent for a while._

_I could see Arizona staring at me as I stared at the counter._

_"Callie?" she asked in a you-better-tell-me-what's-wrong-or-I-will-kick-your-ass tone._

_"I got the tests back today..." I said quietly, wringing my hands together._

_She placed a gentle hand on my arm._

_"Calliope, it's ok! We can try again in a few months," Arizona said._

_I couldn't hold my act together anymore._

_I broke out into a huge smile and looked up at her._

_"What the..." she started._

_"We don't need to try again. Arizona, I'm having your baby!"_

_**Callie's POV**_

"The baby looks good Callie. You are taking really good care of her," Addison said as she wiped off my stomach.

I snorted softly, finding that funny.

"Got any ideas for names?" Addison asked.

"No, I haven't really given it much thought," I answered.

Arizona and I had thought of a few names during our free time, but I had forgotten them. Everything that happened lately has made a lot of things a blur.

"Better get a move on missy! You're 8 months along...this baby could come any time now!" Addison exclaimed.

Has it really been 8 months?

I looked down at my stomach, and sure enough it was a very pregnant stomach.

I slowly rubbed circles over my stomach as I closed my eyes.

"She is going to be beautiful. Your daughter. Arizona was beautiful," Addison said softly.

I nodded slowly, then opened my eyes.

"She was lucky to have you."

I sank back into the pillow as far as I could go.

Addison noticed my action, and sat on the edge of the bed.

"I'm sorry," she said sincerely.

"No, no. It's fine. I'm not the only one who loved her," I said.

"Yes, but you were the only one that was_ in_ love with her. You have more right over her than anyone else."

Addison stroked my hair.

"You know, when...it...happened, she was 5 months pregnant with my baby girl? She was jealous of me. Jealous that I got to feel a baby moving and growing inside of me. Jealous that I got to have her child in me, and she didn't get to have mine in her. So, she convinced me to go to the fertility clinic with her. They...did their business with my stuff and her baby daddy's stuff...and on the first try she was pregnant. We were going to wait a couple of years...but she was so determined. So we did it," I explained.

Addison was smiling.

"Determined little Arizona," she laughed.

"The first time she felt that baby kick inside of her...she beat me in the face with a pillow until I woke up. That's how excited she was."

Even I was smiling. But my smile faded quickly when I thought of what I was going to say next.

"They made a video of it. Of the rape. They got the whole thing on tape. When the detective was having me watch the video to see if I recognized anyone...the first thing they did was beat her stomach with a baseball bat."

"Everything in that sentence was cruel," Addison said in a low voice.

Her hands were shaking.

"They killed one of the most important persons in her life before they raped and killed her."

"I want to kill them!" Addison yelled.

"Me too. But we are better than them," I replied.

"You're not forgiving them, are you?" Addison asked in shock.

"No! Never! But I don't want to be equivalent to the men who killed my Arizona. It would seem like I had killed her," I answered.

"Have they caught them?"

"No."

Addison stood up, and without a word walked out of the room.

I stood up myself, and went to the waiting room to find Mark.

On my way there I passed by the Pediatrics Wing entrance.

I did a double take.

_"The Arizona Memorial Clinic"_

My curiosity got the best of me, and I wandered down the hallways looking for this new clinic.

When I found it, I pushed open the glass doors with unicorns on them, and entered the bright room full of tiny humans and their makers.

As soon as the doors closed behind me, everything went silent.

The parents stared at me, the children stopped playing, and the babies stopped crying.

They all knew who I was, even though many of them had never seen me before.

I nodded, and then I turned on my heels, and left.


End file.
